ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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