Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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