shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
