So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
