Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
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