I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
