I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
