We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Randomize
