I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
