i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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