All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
