Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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