i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
