shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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