there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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