So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
