Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
