I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
