im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
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