I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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