you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
