i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Randomize
