Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
