We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
