apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
