It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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