I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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