...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
