at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
