At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
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