dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
