I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
They left me at home... I'm a liability
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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