My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
