Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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