I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
