Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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