So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
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