ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
