WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
he had hair everywhere except his balls
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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