Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
You took a bar mat shot.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
