I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
