She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
