Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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