I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
My ass is underappreciated
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
