Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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