The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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