i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
