Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
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