Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
