dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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