Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
