the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Randomize
