I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
